A Satirical Play About People Who Give Loud Advice from Broken Lives
Characters
Narrator – The only person in Lari whose brain still pays rent.
Chorus of Lari Noisemakers – Professional commentators of things they do not understand.
Wagikeno wa Nyanduma – Queen of mockery; survives on sarcasm and gossip fumes.
Nyagaki – Perpetually confused; questions everything but contributes nothing.
Kinuthia – A man whose dreams died before birth; custodian of negativity.
Gichuka Waithera – A brave soul who declares interest for Lari MP without giving handouts.
The Ghost of IEBC Requirements – A floating checklist haunting the unqualified.
ACT I – The Land of Loud Empty Cans
Scene 1: A dusty Nyanduma junction.
(Enter the Chorus, talking loudly with deep confidence but zero knowledge.)
Chorus: Welcome to Lari! Where the loudest voices come from the shallowest wells. Where every villager is a political analyst— except they’ve never read a single requirement from IEBC.
(Enter Narrator.)
Narrator: Ah, Lari… the land not short of stupid people— the kind who discourage you from pursuing your dreams, not because your dreams are impossible, but because their own lives resemble broken pot fragments, scattered everywhere with no hope of glue. Today, we speak of Gichuka Waithera— A man who dared to declare interest for Lari MP without bribing anyone. A revolutionary idea, apparently.
ACT II – The Mockery Parade Begins
Scene 1: Gichuka makes his announcement.
(Gichuka steps onto a small stone, humble, determined.)
Gichuka: People of Lari, I come with ideas, not handouts. I come with service, not sufurias of deceit. I come with development, not handkerchief politics.
(Suddenly, an explosion of laughter.)
Wagikeno wa Nyanduma: (Hysterical laughter) “Hahaha! Hio ndiyo sera unauza?” Ati MP without giving 200 bob per handshake? “You have no star, my friend. Again MP?” Waruma ngima nene gukira kanua! (You chew big ugali until it covers your mouth!)
Narrator: Observe Wagikeno— A woman who has never led even a chama of three goats, yet speaks as if she chairs the African Union.
ACT III – The Questions That Answer Nothing
Scene 1: Nyagaki enters, puzzled by his own thoughts.
Nyagaki: “We change Lari to what????” No seriously… to WHAT?
Narrator: This is Nyagaki— A man who cannot change even the torn socks on his own feet. But he demands a transformation blueprint from a man proposing progress. Irony is his breakfast.
ACT IV – Kinuthia, Chief of Useless Advice
Scene 1: Kinuthia rises, chest puffed with self-importance.
Kinuthia: Gichuka, enda kwanza ukuwe chairman wa Karera. Start small! Who do you think you are, declaring MP? Go lead the cattle dip first!
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen— Kinuthia, who has never been elected to lead even a WhatsApp group. His leadership record? ZERO—just like the balance in his 2017 Sacco account.
ACT V – The Ghost of IEBC Requirements
Scene 1: A mysterious wind. A checklist floats in.
(The Ghost appears.)
Ghost of IEBC Requirements: I bring truth to this noisy land. Wagikeno, Nyagaki, Kinuthia - None of you qualify to vie for any seat. Not MCA, not MP, not even chairman of harambee arrangements.
(They tremble.)
Wagikeno: But… we are the voice of the people!
Ghost: You are the noise of the people. A big difference.
ACT VI – When Broken Pots Advise the Whole Kitchen
Scene 1: Narrator steps forward.
Narrator: Here is the tragedy of Lari— People whose lives are shattered like pot fragments spend their days advising others what to do. They are the “maitho ma ciura maria matagiragia Ngombe inyue mai”— Eyes of frogs that panic when a cow bends to drink water. Overreactive. Noisy. Clueless. Gichuka Waithera wants service. They want sarcasm. He brings vision. They bring confusion. He brings hope. They bring jokes dressed as opinions.
ACT VII – Gichuka’s Final Word
Gichuka: I stand not because it is easy but because Lari deserves better. Mock me if you must, laugh if you want, but progress will come— whether mockery cooperates or not.
ACT VIII – The Chorus Speaks Without Thinking
Chorus: We don’t qualify to vie, but we qualify to comment! We cannot build, but we can discourage! We cannot lead, but we can shout the loudest!
(Narrator winces in pain.)
FINAL ACT – The Narrator’s Verdict
Narrator: And that, dear audience, is how Lari remains in the prison of ridicule. Not because it lacks capable leaders— but because it has too many useless spectators who clap for failure and laugh at ambition. Remember this: when loud fools speak, wise people must not remain silent. Because stupidity echoes— but truth must thunder.
(Curtain falls. The sound of sarcastic laughter fades. Then silence— The kind that arrives after a reality slap.)
Characters
Narrator – The only person in Lari whose brain still pays rent.
Chorus of Lari Noisemakers – Professional commentators of things they do not understand.
Wagikeno wa Nyanduma – Queen of mockery; survives on sarcasm and gossip fumes.
Nyagaki – Perpetually confused; questions everything but contributes nothing.
Kinuthia – A man whose dreams died before birth; custodian of negativity.
Gichuka Waithera – A brave soul who declares interest for Lari MP without giving handouts.
The Ghost of IEBC Requirements – A floating checklist haunting the unqualified.
ACT I – The Land of Loud Empty Cans
Scene 1: A dusty Nyanduma junction.
(Enter the Chorus, talking loudly with deep confidence but zero knowledge.)
Chorus: Welcome to Lari! Where the loudest voices come from the shallowest wells. Where every villager is a political analyst— except they’ve never read a single requirement from IEBC.
(Enter Narrator.)
Narrator: Ah, Lari… the land not short of stupid people— the kind who discourage you from pursuing your dreams, not because your dreams are impossible, but because their own lives resemble broken pot fragments, scattered everywhere with no hope of glue. Today, we speak of Gichuka Waithera— A man who dared to declare interest for Lari MP without bribing anyone. A revolutionary idea, apparently.
ACT II – The Mockery Parade Begins
Scene 1: Gichuka makes his announcement.
(Gichuka steps onto a small stone, humble, determined.)
Gichuka: People of Lari, I come with ideas, not handouts. I come with service, not sufurias of deceit. I come with development, not handkerchief politics.
(Suddenly, an explosion of laughter.)
Wagikeno wa Nyanduma: (Hysterical laughter) “Hahaha! Hio ndiyo sera unauza?” Ati MP without giving 200 bob per handshake? “You have no star, my friend. Again MP?” Waruma ngima nene gukira kanua! (You chew big ugali until it covers your mouth!)
Narrator: Observe Wagikeno— A woman who has never led even a chama of three goats, yet speaks as if she chairs the African Union.
ACT III – The Questions That Answer Nothing
Scene 1: Nyagaki enters, puzzled by his own thoughts.
Nyagaki: “We change Lari to what????” No seriously… to WHAT?
Narrator: This is Nyagaki— A man who cannot change even the torn socks on his own feet. But he demands a transformation blueprint from a man proposing progress. Irony is his breakfast.
ACT IV – Kinuthia, Chief of Useless Advice
Scene 1: Kinuthia rises, chest puffed with self-importance.
Kinuthia: Gichuka, enda kwanza ukuwe chairman wa Karera. Start small! Who do you think you are, declaring MP? Go lead the cattle dip first!
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen— Kinuthia, who has never been elected to lead even a WhatsApp group. His leadership record? ZERO—just like the balance in his 2017 Sacco account.
ACT V – The Ghost of IEBC Requirements
Scene 1: A mysterious wind. A checklist floats in.
(The Ghost appears.)
Ghost of IEBC Requirements: I bring truth to this noisy land. Wagikeno, Nyagaki, Kinuthia - None of you qualify to vie for any seat. Not MCA, not MP, not even chairman of harambee arrangements.
(They tremble.)
Wagikeno: But… we are the voice of the people!
Ghost: You are the noise of the people. A big difference.
ACT VI – When Broken Pots Advise the Whole Kitchen
Scene 1: Narrator steps forward.
Narrator: Here is the tragedy of Lari— People whose lives are shattered like pot fragments spend their days advising others what to do. They are the “maitho ma ciura maria matagiragia Ngombe inyue mai”— Eyes of frogs that panic when a cow bends to drink water. Overreactive. Noisy. Clueless. Gichuka Waithera wants service. They want sarcasm. He brings vision. They bring confusion. He brings hope. They bring jokes dressed as opinions.
ACT VII – Gichuka’s Final Word
Gichuka: I stand not because it is easy but because Lari deserves better. Mock me if you must, laugh if you want, but progress will come— whether mockery cooperates or not.
ACT VIII – The Chorus Speaks Without Thinking
Chorus: We don’t qualify to vie, but we qualify to comment! We cannot build, but we can discourage! We cannot lead, but we can shout the loudest!
(Narrator winces in pain.)
FINAL ACT – The Narrator’s Verdict
Narrator: And that, dear audience, is how Lari remains in the prison of ridicule. Not because it lacks capable leaders— but because it has too many useless spectators who clap for failure and laugh at ambition. Remember this: when loud fools speak, wise people must not remain silent. Because stupidity echoes— but truth must thunder.
(Curtain falls. The sound of sarcastic laughter fades. Then silence— The kind that arrives after a reality slap.)
