I once sat next to a man called Jeffry on a bus ride that turned into an unexpected lesson about love, expectations, and preparation for marriage.
Between us sat a lady in her late forties. I pretended to be busy scrolling through reels on my phone, but my ears were fully alert. She was searching for a husband — not casual companionship, not entertainment — but a life partner.
Jeffry, as I gathered from their mother tongue conversation, was not an ordinary man. He was what you might call a “veteran connector.” Women looking for husbands sought him out. He had built a reputation that stretched beyond state borders. He knew men who wanted wives. And he knew women who were ready — or thought they were ready — for marriage.
That day, he held what looked like a checklist. I tried to peep at it, but it was angled away. Still, I could hear the questions clearly. “Are you willing to love deeply?” “Are you ready to give 25k?” “Are you ready to serve the four ports?” “Are you ready to be patient for five years?” “Are you able to shoulder bills alone?”
One by one, he went down the list. When the lady answered “no” to serving “all four ports,” the interview ended abruptly.
Later, I heard Jeffry say quietly, “She is not ready. My clients want those conditions met.” That moment stayed with me. And it raises important lessons about modern relationships.
The first thing that struck me was how structured the conversation was. There was nothing romantic about it. It sounded like a job interview. But perhaps that is the point.
In today’s world, marriage is not sustained by attraction alone. It requires; emotional depth, financial contribution, patience, responsibility, service and long-term commitment.
Many people say they want marriage. But, few are ready for the demands attached to it. Love without preparation is like building a house without a foundation.
One question stood out: “Are you ready to give 25k?” Whether that was a dowry, contribution, investment, or symbolic commitment, the message was clear — financial readiness matters. Romantic idealism often ignores practical realities. Marriage today is expensive; rent or mortgage, utilities, food, healthcare, emergencies and family responsibilities.
When Jeffry asked if she could shoulder bills alone, he wasn’t being cruel. He was testing resilience. In long-term partnerships, there are seasons when one partner carries more weight. If you cannot carry the load alone temporarily, are you ready to carry it together permanently?
“Are you ready to be patient for five years?” That question carries weight. Many people want instant results — quick love, quick wedding, quick success. But real partnerships grow over time. Five years may mean; waiting for financial stability, building trust, adjusting to each other’s flaws and growing through hardship. Marriage is not a sprint; it is endurance.
When the lady said no to serving “all four ports,” the conversation ended. We may interpret “four ports” symbolically — mouth, hand, front, and back. But, it meant something else entirely. But the principle remains; marriage is multi-dimensional. You cannot choose only the parts you like. Commitment requires showing up fully. Half-readiness is not readiness.
The woman wanted a husband. But wanting is not the same as being prepared.
Jeffry’s verdict — “She is not ready” — was not necessarily an insult. It was an assessment. And perhaps an honest one.
Many people want companionship but resist sacrifice, want stability but avoid responsibility, and want commitment but fear patience. The gap between desire and preparation is where many relationships collapse.
We often speak about women’s expectations. Rarely do we speak about men’s structured requirements. Jeffry’s “clients” had conditions. This may feel transactional, but standards are not evil. Problems arise only when; standards are unrealistic, exploitative and one-sided. Healthy standards protect both parties. They clarify expectations before emotional investment deepens.
That bus conversation taught me this; before searching for a spouse, ask yourself; am I emotionally mature? Am I financially disciplined? Can I sacrifice comfort? Can I endure difficult seasons? Am I prepared to give as much as I expect to receive? Marriage is not just about finding the right person. It is about becoming the right person.
As I continued scrolling through my phone, pretending not to listen, I realized something uncomfortable; many of us would fail Jeffry’s checklist. Not because we are bad people — but because we are unprepared.
Love is beautiful. Marriage is honorable. But both demand readiness. And perhaps the most honest question we can ask ourselves is not, “Where can I find a husband or wife?” But rather, “If someone interviewed me today for marriage, would I qualify?”
Between us sat a lady in her late forties. I pretended to be busy scrolling through reels on my phone, but my ears were fully alert. She was searching for a husband — not casual companionship, not entertainment — but a life partner.
Jeffry, as I gathered from their mother tongue conversation, was not an ordinary man. He was what you might call a “veteran connector.” Women looking for husbands sought him out. He had built a reputation that stretched beyond state borders. He knew men who wanted wives. And he knew women who were ready — or thought they were ready — for marriage.
That day, he held what looked like a checklist. I tried to peep at it, but it was angled away. Still, I could hear the questions clearly. “Are you willing to love deeply?” “Are you ready to give 25k?” “Are you ready to serve the four ports?” “Are you ready to be patient for five years?” “Are you able to shoulder bills alone?”
One by one, he went down the list. When the lady answered “no” to serving “all four ports,” the interview ended abruptly.
Later, I heard Jeffry say quietly, “She is not ready. My clients want those conditions met.” That moment stayed with me. And it raises important lessons about modern relationships.
The first thing that struck me was how structured the conversation was. There was nothing romantic about it. It sounded like a job interview. But perhaps that is the point.
In today’s world, marriage is not sustained by attraction alone. It requires; emotional depth, financial contribution, patience, responsibility, service and long-term commitment.
Many people say they want marriage. But, few are ready for the demands attached to it. Love without preparation is like building a house without a foundation.
One question stood out: “Are you ready to give 25k?” Whether that was a dowry, contribution, investment, or symbolic commitment, the message was clear — financial readiness matters. Romantic idealism often ignores practical realities. Marriage today is expensive; rent or mortgage, utilities, food, healthcare, emergencies and family responsibilities.
When Jeffry asked if she could shoulder bills alone, he wasn’t being cruel. He was testing resilience. In long-term partnerships, there are seasons when one partner carries more weight. If you cannot carry the load alone temporarily, are you ready to carry it together permanently?
“Are you ready to be patient for five years?” That question carries weight. Many people want instant results — quick love, quick wedding, quick success. But real partnerships grow over time. Five years may mean; waiting for financial stability, building trust, adjusting to each other’s flaws and growing through hardship. Marriage is not a sprint; it is endurance.
When the lady said no to serving “all four ports,” the conversation ended. We may interpret “four ports” symbolically — mouth, hand, front, and back. But, it meant something else entirely. But the principle remains; marriage is multi-dimensional. You cannot choose only the parts you like. Commitment requires showing up fully. Half-readiness is not readiness.
The woman wanted a husband. But wanting is not the same as being prepared.
Jeffry’s verdict — “She is not ready” — was not necessarily an insult. It was an assessment. And perhaps an honest one.
Many people want companionship but resist sacrifice, want stability but avoid responsibility, and want commitment but fear patience. The gap between desire and preparation is where many relationships collapse.
We often speak about women’s expectations. Rarely do we speak about men’s structured requirements. Jeffry’s “clients” had conditions. This may feel transactional, but standards are not evil. Problems arise only when; standards are unrealistic, exploitative and one-sided. Healthy standards protect both parties. They clarify expectations before emotional investment deepens.
That bus conversation taught me this; before searching for a spouse, ask yourself; am I emotionally mature? Am I financially disciplined? Can I sacrifice comfort? Can I endure difficult seasons? Am I prepared to give as much as I expect to receive? Marriage is not just about finding the right person. It is about becoming the right person.
As I continued scrolling through my phone, pretending not to listen, I realized something uncomfortable; many of us would fail Jeffry’s checklist. Not because we are bad people — but because we are unprepared.
Love is beautiful. Marriage is honorable. But both demand readiness. And perhaps the most honest question we can ask ourselves is not, “Where can I find a husband or wife?” But rather, “If someone interviewed me today for marriage, would I qualify?”
