I am a man, and for most of my adult life I have lived, studied, and worked in spaces dominated by men—university, offices, boardrooms, and informal male circles. In those spaces, men talk freely. They reveal how they think, how they choose, how they desire, and sometimes, how casually they take what is offered to them.
Over the years, I have also watched women fall in love with men—and I have watched men sample women the way one samples options on a menu. In those observations, one pattern kept repeating itself, quietly and painfully. Many women believe they can win or keep a man through food.
At university, I watched young women carry pots and food containers across hostels to cook for their boyfriends. They cleaned rooms that were not theirs, washed clothes they did not wear, and nurtured men they hoped would choose them. Yet those same men were emotionally invested elsewhere—often with women who never cooked, never cleaned, and never lifted a finger in service.
Later, in workplaces, the pattern repeated. I saw professional women arrive with beautifully cooked meals, neatly packed fruits, and thoughtful snacks for their partners. The care was real. The effort was genuine. But again, many of those men were drawn to other women—women who brought nothing edible at all, not even a candy.
After nearly two decades of observing this dynamic, I reached a difficult but honest conclusion: Men are not won by food. I include myself in that statement.
There is another truth women are rarely told. When a woman prepares food to “win” a man, she often ends up cooking for a community of men—friends, roommates, colleagues—many of whom do not even know her name. The food is eaten. The appreciation ends there. The intention was intimacy. The result is often invisibility.
This is not because the woman lacks value—but because food is easily consumed and easily forgotten. It creates comfort, not attachment. Convenience, not commitment.
Even the so-called “side chick” knows something society hesitates to say out loud: attraction is not built in the kitchen. Men stay where they feel: seen, respected, desired, emotionally understood and at peace. Food does not create these conditions. Treatment does. This is something many women need to borrow.
And by treatment, this does not mean servitude. It means how a woman relates to a man emotionally, mentally, and energetically. How she carries herself. How she communicates. How she sets boundaries. How she values herself.
The uncomfortable but liberating truth is this: the woman herself is the “food.” Not in a degrading sense—but in the sense that attraction is about who you are, not what you produce. Your mindset, your confidence, your emotional intelligence, your self-awareness, your standards, and your authenticity matter far more than your cooking skills.
This has nothing to do with physical hygiene alone—though that matters. It is far more about: how you think, how you see yourself, whether you genuinely like and love the man you are with, and whether he genuinely likes and loves you. No amount of home-cooked meals can compensate for a lack of mutual desire, emotional connection, or respect.
Cooking is not bad. Caring is not wrong. Generosity is beautiful. But when food becomes a strategy for love, it quietly turns into self-erasure.
Over the years, I have also watched women fall in love with men—and I have watched men sample women the way one samples options on a menu. In those observations, one pattern kept repeating itself, quietly and painfully. Many women believe they can win or keep a man through food.
At university, I watched young women carry pots and food containers across hostels to cook for their boyfriends. They cleaned rooms that were not theirs, washed clothes they did not wear, and nurtured men they hoped would choose them. Yet those same men were emotionally invested elsewhere—often with women who never cooked, never cleaned, and never lifted a finger in service.
Later, in workplaces, the pattern repeated. I saw professional women arrive with beautifully cooked meals, neatly packed fruits, and thoughtful snacks for their partners. The care was real. The effort was genuine. But again, many of those men were drawn to other women—women who brought nothing edible at all, not even a candy.
After nearly two decades of observing this dynamic, I reached a difficult but honest conclusion: Men are not won by food. I include myself in that statement.
There is another truth women are rarely told. When a woman prepares food to “win” a man, she often ends up cooking for a community of men—friends, roommates, colleagues—many of whom do not even know her name. The food is eaten. The appreciation ends there. The intention was intimacy. The result is often invisibility.
This is not because the woman lacks value—but because food is easily consumed and easily forgotten. It creates comfort, not attachment. Convenience, not commitment.
Even the so-called “side chick” knows something society hesitates to say out loud: attraction is not built in the kitchen. Men stay where they feel: seen, respected, desired, emotionally understood and at peace. Food does not create these conditions. Treatment does. This is something many women need to borrow.
And by treatment, this does not mean servitude. It means how a woman relates to a man emotionally, mentally, and energetically. How she carries herself. How she communicates. How she sets boundaries. How she values herself.
The uncomfortable but liberating truth is this: the woman herself is the “food.” Not in a degrading sense—but in the sense that attraction is about who you are, not what you produce. Your mindset, your confidence, your emotional intelligence, your self-awareness, your standards, and your authenticity matter far more than your cooking skills.
This has nothing to do with physical hygiene alone—though that matters. It is far more about: how you think, how you see yourself, whether you genuinely like and love the man you are with, and whether he genuinely likes and loves you. No amount of home-cooked meals can compensate for a lack of mutual desire, emotional connection, or respect.
Cooking is not bad. Caring is not wrong. Generosity is beautiful. But when food becomes a strategy for love, it quietly turns into self-erasure.
A man who wants you will not need to be fed into commitment. A man who values you will not confuse your effort with obligation. And a man who loves you will choose you—even when you bring nothing but yourself.
So cook if you love cooking. Care if it brings you joy. Give if it is reciprocated. But never reduce your worth to a plate of food. You are the real meal on the table. You are the presence that decides whether the table is worth sitting at. That understanding changes everything.
So cook if you love cooking. Care if it brings you joy. Give if it is reciprocated. But never reduce your worth to a plate of food. You are the real meal on the table. You are the presence that decides whether the table is worth sitting at. That understanding changes everything.
