There is something I mentioned earlier that I want to return to, because it is very common and deeply painful. Many people who live with someone who has a mental health condition are not truly free, and neither is the person with the condition. You may be living with your brother, your sister, your parent, or another relative who has a mental disorder, yet their life is reduced to the walls of the house. They are kept indoors. They are not allowed to accompany others when going shopping. They are left behind when people go to church. They are excluded from visiting relatives. They are absent from community functions. It is as if their presence is something to be hidden.
Sometimes they are not locked in the house physically, but they are locked emotionally and socially. They are told, directly or indirectly, to stay behind. And often the reason is not safety—it is shame. The people taking care of them are afraid of being seen with them. Afraid of what others will say. Afraid of embarrassment. Afraid of judgment.
I have seen people cancel plans just because the person with a mental disorder wants to go along. I have seen families postpone shopping, skip church, or avoid public spaces altogether rather than be seen together. This is wrong. It harms the person with the mental disorder, and it also harms the caregiver, because it keeps both of them trapped in fear.
Anyone who takes care of another person—whether due to mental health, physical illness, or disability—must first overcome stigma. You must reach a place where you are not afraid to be seen with the person you care for. Even if others misunderstand. Even if society judges. Even if people whisper. Your responsibility is not to protect your image; it is to protect the dignity and freedom of the person in your care. People with mental disorders should be allowed to go out. They should be allowed to interact. They should be allowed to be part of life. Isolation does not heal. It only deepens pain.
Now, there is another important issue I want to address: how we relate to people we care for on a daily basis. Living with someone is not only about providing food, shelter, or medication. It is about relationship. And in relationships, I have seen two unhealthy extremes that cause serious harm.
The first extreme is aggression. Aggressive caregivers want control. They believe that because someone depends on them, they have power over them. They use threats. They use fear. They use conditions. You hear statements like, “If you keep shouting, I won’t give you food.” Or, “If you don’t behave, I won’t help you.” Or, “If you do that again, I’ll stop doing things for you.” This is not care. This is domination. Aggression strips a person of dignity. It turns care into punishment. It teaches the person with a mental disorder that love and support are conditional, something they must earn by obedience. This mindset is dangerous and destructive.
The second extreme is passivity. A passive caregiver has no boundaries. Whatever the person asks, they do. If they are told to wake up at midnight, they wake up. If they are told to wake up at 2 a.m., they comply. They abandon their own needs, their own safety, their own limits. And this is also wrong. Passivity allows the roles to reverse in unhealthy ways. Instead of offering support, the caregiver becomes controlled. In many cases, passivity leads to exploitation. I have seen situations where caregivers—especially women caring for men—are touched inappropriately, dominated emotionally, or even drawn into sexual relationships because they did not set boundaries. The same risk exists when a male caregiver dominates a female patient; submission can easily be mistaken for consent, leading to abuse.
Both aggression and passivity create harm. One dominates. The other enables exploitation. What is needed is balance. This balance is called assertiveness. Being assertive means you are firm, respectful, and clear. You are not controlling, and you are not submissive. You respect the other person’s boundaries, and you protect your own. You understand that the person you care for may have behaviors that are not common, but that does not give them the right to violate your space, your body, or your dignity. At the same time, your role as a caregiver does not give you the right to dominate, threaten, or exploit them.
Assertiveness creates a professional and ethical boundary. It says, “I am here to support you, not to control you. And I am here to support, not to be harmed.” It recognizes that care must always be for the benefit of the person being cared for, not for the power, comfort, or desires of the caregiver.
There must be limits. Clear, respectful limits. What you can do. What you cannot do. What the person can expect from you. And what is not acceptable. These boundaries protect both people. They prevent abuse, resentment, burnout, and confusion.
So if you are taking care of someone with a mental disorder, examine how you relate to them. Ask yourself honestly: Am I being aggressive? Am I being passive? Or am I balanced? Am I supporting without controlling? Am I protecting myself without neglecting them? Care works best when there is respect on both sides. When there is freedom without chaos. When there is support without domination. When there is closeness without exploitation. This balance is not easy, but it is necessary. And when it is achieved, both the caregiver and the person receiving care can live with dignity, safety, and humanity.
Sometimes they are not locked in the house physically, but they are locked emotionally and socially. They are told, directly or indirectly, to stay behind. And often the reason is not safety—it is shame. The people taking care of them are afraid of being seen with them. Afraid of what others will say. Afraid of embarrassment. Afraid of judgment.
I have seen people cancel plans just because the person with a mental disorder wants to go along. I have seen families postpone shopping, skip church, or avoid public spaces altogether rather than be seen together. This is wrong. It harms the person with the mental disorder, and it also harms the caregiver, because it keeps both of them trapped in fear.
Anyone who takes care of another person—whether due to mental health, physical illness, or disability—must first overcome stigma. You must reach a place where you are not afraid to be seen with the person you care for. Even if others misunderstand. Even if society judges. Even if people whisper. Your responsibility is not to protect your image; it is to protect the dignity and freedom of the person in your care. People with mental disorders should be allowed to go out. They should be allowed to interact. They should be allowed to be part of life. Isolation does not heal. It only deepens pain.
Now, there is another important issue I want to address: how we relate to people we care for on a daily basis. Living with someone is not only about providing food, shelter, or medication. It is about relationship. And in relationships, I have seen two unhealthy extremes that cause serious harm.
The first extreme is aggression. Aggressive caregivers want control. They believe that because someone depends on them, they have power over them. They use threats. They use fear. They use conditions. You hear statements like, “If you keep shouting, I won’t give you food.” Or, “If you don’t behave, I won’t help you.” Or, “If you do that again, I’ll stop doing things for you.” This is not care. This is domination. Aggression strips a person of dignity. It turns care into punishment. It teaches the person with a mental disorder that love and support are conditional, something they must earn by obedience. This mindset is dangerous and destructive.
The second extreme is passivity. A passive caregiver has no boundaries. Whatever the person asks, they do. If they are told to wake up at midnight, they wake up. If they are told to wake up at 2 a.m., they comply. They abandon their own needs, their own safety, their own limits. And this is also wrong. Passivity allows the roles to reverse in unhealthy ways. Instead of offering support, the caregiver becomes controlled. In many cases, passivity leads to exploitation. I have seen situations where caregivers—especially women caring for men—are touched inappropriately, dominated emotionally, or even drawn into sexual relationships because they did not set boundaries. The same risk exists when a male caregiver dominates a female patient; submission can easily be mistaken for consent, leading to abuse.
Both aggression and passivity create harm. One dominates. The other enables exploitation. What is needed is balance. This balance is called assertiveness. Being assertive means you are firm, respectful, and clear. You are not controlling, and you are not submissive. You respect the other person’s boundaries, and you protect your own. You understand that the person you care for may have behaviors that are not common, but that does not give them the right to violate your space, your body, or your dignity. At the same time, your role as a caregiver does not give you the right to dominate, threaten, or exploit them.
Assertiveness creates a professional and ethical boundary. It says, “I am here to support you, not to control you. And I am here to support, not to be harmed.” It recognizes that care must always be for the benefit of the person being cared for, not for the power, comfort, or desires of the caregiver.
There must be limits. Clear, respectful limits. What you can do. What you cannot do. What the person can expect from you. And what is not acceptable. These boundaries protect both people. They prevent abuse, resentment, burnout, and confusion.
So if you are taking care of someone with a mental disorder, examine how you relate to them. Ask yourself honestly: Am I being aggressive? Am I being passive? Or am I balanced? Am I supporting without controlling? Am I protecting myself without neglecting them? Care works best when there is respect on both sides. When there is freedom without chaos. When there is support without domination. When there is closeness without exploitation. This balance is not easy, but it is necessary. And when it is achieved, both the caregiver and the person receiving care can live with dignity, safety, and humanity.
