"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." — Ephesians 6:1.
This one verse, often quoted to enforce discipline, is rarely understood in its full context. Parents demand obedience. Teachers recite it. Preachers shout it. But the phrase “in the Lord” is usually skipped over, as though it’s a footnote — when in truth, it is the entire foundation of the verse.
God does not call children to blind submission. He calls them to righteous alignment — obedience that flows from a household walking in God's order. “In the Lord” is not a suggestion. It is a condition. It implies that parents must be walking in God’s truth before expecting their children to follow them. But what happens when a parent is not in the Lord?
Many single parents live in a contradiction. They quote the scripture to their children, demand respect, and pray over meals — but live lives that are detached from biblical truth. They may be caught in fornication, cohabiting with a partner who is not their spouse, or hopping from one relationship to another. They may abandon the spiritual training of their child altogether, relying on schools or churches to do the work. Yet they still demand obedience. Still expect honor. Still quote Ephesians 6. This is spiritual confusion.
A child sees the hypocrisy. Even if they can’t articulate it, they feel it. They are told, “Obey me because God says so,” yet they see a parent living outside God’s will. The result? Spiritual disillusionment. Respect is diminished. Honor is drained. And rebellion begins to take root.
When God gave children to families, He gave them as heritage — a trust, a divine investment. In return, He placed a responsibility upon parents to raise them in His ways, not merely human effort. The biblical family model is not just about a mother and father under one roof. It is about two people submitted to God, modeling His love, authority, forgiveness, and truth before their children.
This is what “in the Lord” means. It means raising children under a spiritual covering. It means a parent who corrects themselves before correcting the child. It means a father who leads not by pride, but by prayer. A mother who nurtures not just emotionally, but spiritually. It means accountability to God, not just convenience.
When a single parent lives outside of God's order — whether through abandonment, divorce without biblical grounds, or unrepented sin — they raise children in confusion. They create spiritual orphans. Not just because the other parent is missing, but because God’s presence is missing in the home.
And yet, many parents comfort themselves with the phrase, “At least I’m doing my best.” But what is “your best” if it is outside the will of God? What is effort if it does not lead your children to righteousness?
The truth is: You cannot parent correctly outside of the Lord. You may feed and clothe your children. You may enroll them in good schools. You may teach them to be polite and productive. But without spiritual alignment, your parenting becomes fleshly — motivated by pride, fear, or guilt. And the child, though physically cared for, grows spiritually malnourished. This is not just a matter of discipline — it is a matter of destiny.
The Bible is full of examples of children who were shaped by the spiritual condition of their parents. Isaac mirrored Abraham’s faith. Timothy grew strong because of the sincere faith of his mother and grandmother. Even Jesus, the Son of God, submitted Himself to earthly parents — because they walked in obedience to the Lord.
Let us ask the hard question: can you demand obedience from your children when you yourself are disobedient to God? Do not ask your children to go where you have not led them. Do not quote scripture you refuse to live by. Do not demand respect you have not earned through spiritual submission. If you want godly children, be a godly parent. If you have failed, repent. If your home is out of order, rebuild. If your children are lost, intercede. But do not continue the lie that you are enough on your own. You are not. That is why God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” His design is for union, covering, structure, and accountability — not independence dressed as strength. “In the Lord” is not a decoration. It is the foundation. And without it, even the most well-meaning parenting will crumble.
