In the absence of one parent, many single parents instinctively turn to their own parents — the children’s grandparents — for support. On the surface, this seems noble and reasonable. After all, grandparents have wisdom, patience, and experience. They have raised children before. Who better to step in when the biological structure fails?
But here is the uncomfortable truth: grandparents are not the solution. They are not a substitute for a mother and father actively present and working in unison to raise a child under God’s design. They are a stop-gap, not a foundation.
Many single parents drop their children off with grandparents not as a temporary measure, but as a lifestyle. They say, “I have to work,” or “I’m not ready,” or “My parents will raise them while I figure things out.” And while the reasons may vary, the result is often the same: a generation raised in emotional disconnect and spiritual confusion.
Today’s grandparents are not the same as yesterdays. Many are weary, aged, or already burdened with their own regrets. They may not have the energy, conviction, or spiritual discernment needed to raise children in a morally crumbling society. The same grandmother who once upheld strict discipline now let’s things slide. The same grandfather who used to pray now sits in silence.
In some households, the grandparents themselves have become spiritually lukewarm or emotionally distant. They allow dangerous friendships, overlook bad behavior, and refuse to confront sin. Not out of malice — but because they are tired. They are no longer in a season of building, but of resting. Yet we expect them to build again.
And worse still, in many families, these grandparents are not honored for their role. They are taken advantage of — expected to feed, clothe, discipline, and counsel, while the real parent disappears into nightlife, new relationships, or distant jobs. Grandparents become unpaid nannies. They are expected to carry a load that belongs to the mother and father. This is not God’s order.
The Word of God never assigns the primary responsibility of raising children to grandparents. That role belongs to the parents — the father and the mother, together. Even in biblical times, where extended family structures were common, the authority over a child was never meant to be transferred permanently to the previous generation.
Children raised by their grandparents often face more than neglect — they face hostility. In homes where grandparents live with other adult children (the child’s uncles or aunts), tensions rise. These siblings may resent the presence of the single parent’s children. They may say, “Why should we help raise someone else’s kids?” or “Our parents are already too old for this.”
The result? The children are treated as outsiders. They are blamed for financial strain. They receive harsher discipline. They become the unwanted guests in a house they did not choose. And as they grow, they carry the memory of being tolerated, not loved.
Even worse, some children absorb the bitterness of their environment and become emotionally withdrawn or rebellious. They stop trusting authority. They stop believing in family. And they grow up with a fractured understanding of belonging.
Single parents often convince themselves: “My children are in good hands. They are with my parents.” But what kind of hands are those, really? Do the grandparents pray over them? Do they understand the dangers of modern peer pressure? Do they monitor who the children talk to? Do they teach them about purity, identity, or the fear of God? Or are they simply feeding them, turning on the TV, and hoping for the best?
There is a myth that love alone is enough. But love without structure, truth, and intentionality is not enough. It breeds sentimentality, not stability. And sentimentality cannot equip a child for spiritual battles.
When children are raised by grandparents, they often feel emotionally abandoned by their real parent. Even if the parent sends money. Even if they visit during holidays. There is a void that money cannot fill — the void of presence.
The child may smile in family photos, but deep down they wonder: “Why did my mother leave me here?” “Why doesn’t my father want to raise me?” “Am I unwanted?” These questions haunt them, even into adulthood. They create insecurities that manifest in future relationships, parenting, and self-worth.
The Bible is clear: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6). This is not addressed to grandparents. It is directed to parents — because the responsibility of raising a child is a divine assignment, not a delegated task.
God’s design was never for a child to be raised by retired hands. It was for a child to be nurtured in the strength, love, discipline, and presence of both father and mother — actively submitted to God. When that breaks down, it is not grandparents who restore it. It is the parent who must rise, return, and repent.
Yes, grandparents can assist. They can support, love, and bless. But they are not the long-term answer. The solution is not to lean harder on them — it is to return to God’s design, and if possible, restore the parenting structure that was lost.
But here is the uncomfortable truth: grandparents are not the solution. They are not a substitute for a mother and father actively present and working in unison to raise a child under God’s design. They are a stop-gap, not a foundation.
Many single parents drop their children off with grandparents not as a temporary measure, but as a lifestyle. They say, “I have to work,” or “I’m not ready,” or “My parents will raise them while I figure things out.” And while the reasons may vary, the result is often the same: a generation raised in emotional disconnect and spiritual confusion.
Today’s grandparents are not the same as yesterdays. Many are weary, aged, or already burdened with their own regrets. They may not have the energy, conviction, or spiritual discernment needed to raise children in a morally crumbling society. The same grandmother who once upheld strict discipline now let’s things slide. The same grandfather who used to pray now sits in silence.
In some households, the grandparents themselves have become spiritually lukewarm or emotionally distant. They allow dangerous friendships, overlook bad behavior, and refuse to confront sin. Not out of malice — but because they are tired. They are no longer in a season of building, but of resting. Yet we expect them to build again.
And worse still, in many families, these grandparents are not honored for their role. They are taken advantage of — expected to feed, clothe, discipline, and counsel, while the real parent disappears into nightlife, new relationships, or distant jobs. Grandparents become unpaid nannies. They are expected to carry a load that belongs to the mother and father. This is not God’s order.
The Word of God never assigns the primary responsibility of raising children to grandparents. That role belongs to the parents — the father and the mother, together. Even in biblical times, where extended family structures were common, the authority over a child was never meant to be transferred permanently to the previous generation.
Children raised by their grandparents often face more than neglect — they face hostility. In homes where grandparents live with other adult children (the child’s uncles or aunts), tensions rise. These siblings may resent the presence of the single parent’s children. They may say, “Why should we help raise someone else’s kids?” or “Our parents are already too old for this.”
The result? The children are treated as outsiders. They are blamed for financial strain. They receive harsher discipline. They become the unwanted guests in a house they did not choose. And as they grow, they carry the memory of being tolerated, not loved.
Even worse, some children absorb the bitterness of their environment and become emotionally withdrawn or rebellious. They stop trusting authority. They stop believing in family. And they grow up with a fractured understanding of belonging.
Single parents often convince themselves: “My children are in good hands. They are with my parents.” But what kind of hands are those, really? Do the grandparents pray over them? Do they understand the dangers of modern peer pressure? Do they monitor who the children talk to? Do they teach them about purity, identity, or the fear of God? Or are they simply feeding them, turning on the TV, and hoping for the best?
There is a myth that love alone is enough. But love without structure, truth, and intentionality is not enough. It breeds sentimentality, not stability. And sentimentality cannot equip a child for spiritual battles.
When children are raised by grandparents, they often feel emotionally abandoned by their real parent. Even if the parent sends money. Even if they visit during holidays. There is a void that money cannot fill — the void of presence.
The child may smile in family photos, but deep down they wonder: “Why did my mother leave me here?” “Why doesn’t my father want to raise me?” “Am I unwanted?” These questions haunt them, even into adulthood. They create insecurities that manifest in future relationships, parenting, and self-worth.
The Bible is clear: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6). This is not addressed to grandparents. It is directed to parents — because the responsibility of raising a child is a divine assignment, not a delegated task.
God’s design was never for a child to be raised by retired hands. It was for a child to be nurtured in the strength, love, discipline, and presence of both father and mother — actively submitted to God. When that breaks down, it is not grandparents who restore it. It is the parent who must rise, return, and repent.
Yes, grandparents can assist. They can support, love, and bless. But they are not the long-term answer. The solution is not to lean harder on them — it is to return to God’s design, and if possible, restore the parenting structure that was lost.
