In every single-family narrative praised for its resilience, there exists a silent participant — the child. Often overlooked in the story of triumph and self-sufficiency, the child of a single parent carries burdens that no one else sees. Society praises the parent, celebrates their strength, but forgets to ask: what about the child?
Children do not choose the circumstances they are born into. They do not request to grow up in divided homes or to navigate the absence of one parent. And yet, they are expected to function as if nothing is missing — to smile in pictures, perform in school, and carry themselves with confidence. But internally, many are broken, confused, and neglected — not always physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
Some children become caregivers to their siblings. They change diapers, warm food, wipe tears — while still needing to be parented themselves. Others are exposed to adult issues too early: court hearings, financial struggles, romantic disputes, abandonment. These things shape them, not as building blocks for maturity, but as fractures that they carry into adulthood.
A child once came home from school and said to his mother, “The other kids called me a home wrecker’s child.” That night, sleep did not come. That mother’s heart broke. Her child had been marked by something he didn’t even understand — the reputation of a relationship gone wrong. What could she say? That he was wrong? That the kids were lying? That the truth doesn’t matter? Words leave scars. And silence makes them deeper.
Children may not articulate their pain, but they express it — through anger, rebellion, withdrawal, anxiety, even premature adulthood. They become emotionally guarded or too eager to please. They search for belonging in unhealthy places. And yet, many single parents convince themselves: My child is okay.
But here’s the question: Can a child be truly okay when their role has been reversed — when they are the caretaker, the mediator, the therapist, or the financial helper in the home?
Children thrive under covering — spiritual, emotional, and structural. When one parent is absent (not due to death but choice, abandonment, or brokenness), that covering becomes lopsided. And the weight falls on the child. Sometimes literally, when they must work or beg. Sometimes spiritually, when they feel unloved or unwanted. And sometimes socially, when their peers mock them or isolate them.
The scripture says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). But it doesn’t stop there. It qualifies it — “in the Lord.” A parent who is not walking in God’s order burdens their child. Not just with disobedience, but with spiritual confusion.
Many single parents cry for respect from their children. But how can children respect what defies God's pattern? Respect is earned, not demanded. And when a parent lives in open disregard of God's ways — bringing in partners like revolving doors, abandoning discipline, or excusing sin — the children grow bitter. They may not say it, but they see it.
Some parents say, “My own parents will take care of the children.” And indeed, many children are dropped off at their grandparents' homes while the parent continues in their lifestyle. But what happens behind those doors? Often, grandparents are overwhelmed. They are tired. They may not be as vigilant. Some are resentful. Some siblings of the single parent do not support the presence of those children in the home. The environment may be tense, even hostile. Children pick up on these things.
They hear whispers: “She left these children here like she dumped a bag.” They see the lack of affection. They witness their cousins treated better. They feel unwanted. And when they grow, the scars show — sometimes as rebellion, sometimes as silence, and sometimes as generational repetition.
The world may call single parents “strong,” but God does not applaud strength built outside His order. The same world that applauds you will not be there when your child turns cold, runs away, or carries resentment into adulthood. But God will be there. Watching. Waiting. Calling.
We are not writing to guilt single parents. But to open their eyes to what their children may never say aloud. As a single parent understand: your child is not okay just because they smile. They are not strong because they don’t cry. They are surviving, not thriving. And the burden of fixing that lies not with the child, but with the one who leads the home.
Until we acknowledge the pain single-parent children carry, we will never stop the cycle. Until we face the truth, we will continue raising wounded adults. And until we return to God’s design for family, we will keep calling dysfunction strength and mistaking brokenness for bravery.
Children do not choose the circumstances they are born into. They do not request to grow up in divided homes or to navigate the absence of one parent. And yet, they are expected to function as if nothing is missing — to smile in pictures, perform in school, and carry themselves with confidence. But internally, many are broken, confused, and neglected — not always physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
Some children become caregivers to their siblings. They change diapers, warm food, wipe tears — while still needing to be parented themselves. Others are exposed to adult issues too early: court hearings, financial struggles, romantic disputes, abandonment. These things shape them, not as building blocks for maturity, but as fractures that they carry into adulthood.
A child once came home from school and said to his mother, “The other kids called me a home wrecker’s child.” That night, sleep did not come. That mother’s heart broke. Her child had been marked by something he didn’t even understand — the reputation of a relationship gone wrong. What could she say? That he was wrong? That the kids were lying? That the truth doesn’t matter? Words leave scars. And silence makes them deeper.
Children may not articulate their pain, but they express it — through anger, rebellion, withdrawal, anxiety, even premature adulthood. They become emotionally guarded or too eager to please. They search for belonging in unhealthy places. And yet, many single parents convince themselves: My child is okay.
But here’s the question: Can a child be truly okay when their role has been reversed — when they are the caretaker, the mediator, the therapist, or the financial helper in the home?
Children thrive under covering — spiritual, emotional, and structural. When one parent is absent (not due to death but choice, abandonment, or brokenness), that covering becomes lopsided. And the weight falls on the child. Sometimes literally, when they must work or beg. Sometimes spiritually, when they feel unloved or unwanted. And sometimes socially, when their peers mock them or isolate them.
The scripture says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). But it doesn’t stop there. It qualifies it — “in the Lord.” A parent who is not walking in God’s order burdens their child. Not just with disobedience, but with spiritual confusion.
Many single parents cry for respect from their children. But how can children respect what defies God's pattern? Respect is earned, not demanded. And when a parent lives in open disregard of God's ways — bringing in partners like revolving doors, abandoning discipline, or excusing sin — the children grow bitter. They may not say it, but they see it.
Some parents say, “My own parents will take care of the children.” And indeed, many children are dropped off at their grandparents' homes while the parent continues in their lifestyle. But what happens behind those doors? Often, grandparents are overwhelmed. They are tired. They may not be as vigilant. Some are resentful. Some siblings of the single parent do not support the presence of those children in the home. The environment may be tense, even hostile. Children pick up on these things.
They hear whispers: “She left these children here like she dumped a bag.” They see the lack of affection. They witness their cousins treated better. They feel unwanted. And when they grow, the scars show — sometimes as rebellion, sometimes as silence, and sometimes as generational repetition.
The world may call single parents “strong,” but God does not applaud strength built outside His order. The same world that applauds you will not be there when your child turns cold, runs away, or carries resentment into adulthood. But God will be there. Watching. Waiting. Calling.
We are not writing to guilt single parents. But to open their eyes to what their children may never say aloud. As a single parent understand: your child is not okay just because they smile. They are not strong because they don’t cry. They are surviving, not thriving. And the burden of fixing that lies not with the child, but with the one who leads the home.
Until we acknowledge the pain single-parent children carry, we will never stop the cycle. Until we face the truth, we will continue raising wounded adults. And until we return to God’s design for family, we will keep calling dysfunction strength and mistaking brokenness for bravery.
