"People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." — 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV).
In a generation obsessed with options, comparison, and perfection, many people now approach relationships the way they approach shopping: looking for the best deal based on preferences. They treat people like products — swiping left or right, ranking compatibility based on physical features, income, personality traits, and lifestyle projections. And the tragedy is this: we are raising a generation that chooses based on preference instead of purpose.
This mindset is not just shallow — it is spiritually dangerous. It prioritizes personal taste over divine assignment, and emotional comfort over covenantal responsibility. When preferences replace purpose, marriage becomes fragile, families break apart, and God’s design is substituted for self-fulfillment.
Once upon a time, relationships were guided by God’s will, family values, community accountability, and spiritual discernment. Today, they are guided by: skin tone, career status, fashion sense, sexual appeal, Instagram aesthetics and so forth.
People say: “I want someone tall, dark, and handsome.” “Inches matters.” “She must have a certain body type.” “If he doesn’t earn six figures, I’m not interested.” “If she’s not my exact type, I won’t pursue.” But God doesn’t match people by carnal filters. He matches people by kingdom assignments. When preferences take the lead, several things happen:
We reject those God may have chosen for us. How many divine unions have been aborted because someone didn’t "look the part"? God may send someone with vision, integrity, and alignment — but because they don’t meet aesthetic or material standards, they’re dismissed.
We overlook red flags because of superficial appeal. Preference-blindness causes people to marry charisma over character, looks over loyalty, lifestyle over values. Then, when the preference fades, they discover the person had no purpose alongside them.
We idolize the idea of marriage instead of the assignment of marriage. People want the wedding, the status, the validation — not the work, sacrifice, and spiritual purpose that covenant demands.
God does not create spouses to be your dream aesthetic — He creates them to be your purpose partner. Throughout the Scriptures, we see that divine purpose guided unions: Adam and Eve were joined to steward creation together. Boaz and Ruth were united not just romantically, but to preserve a redemptive lineage. Mary and Joseph were joined to protect and raise the Messiah. None of these marriages were built on romantic preference. They were formed by divine intent. God united them for something bigger than themselves — for the fulfillment of His kingdom.
Technology and social media have created the illusion of limitless choices. And with every swipe, scroll, and filter, people become less content, more critical, and emotionally detached. When people believe there's always someone better out there, they: Delay commitment. Become perfectionists in relationships. Mistake infatuation for compatibility. Leave marriages prematurely, seeking someone who “feels better.” This endless search for the “perfect fit” blinds people to the truth: there is no perfect person — only divinely matched purpose.
The issue is not finding someone who checks every box. The issue is being someone who’s aligned with God’s purpose — so you recognize His chosen partner when they come. Choosing based on purpose means you surrender your list. You allow God to lead. You say: “Not my type, but Your will.” “Not what I imagined, but what You’ve assigned.” “Not for my status, but for Your glory.”
Isaiah 55:8–9 reminds us: “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.’” Your preference may be valid — but it must bow to His purpose.
If we want to stop the cycle of broken families, unfulfilled marriages, and fatherless or motherless children, we must teach young people: To value spiritual alignment over social appeal. To prioritize calling over charm. To discern God’s voice above the world’s noise. To see marriage as mission, not just mutual affection. Because if they don’t, they will build homes on superficial foundations — homes that collapse under pressure, disappoint their children, and leave scars for generations. Yes, attraction matters. Yes, compatibility is helpful. But neither can sustain what only calling can complete.
Your future marriage, your children’s well-being, and your legacy depend on more than feelings. They depend on obedience. So, tear up your list. Bend your knee. Let God decide. Because when you choose by purpose, not preference, you won’t just find someone to marry — you’ll find someone to build with, grow with, and glorify God with.
