A Satirical Play About How the Stomach Decides the Member of Parliament
Characters
Villager – Narrator, analyst of human behavior, political philosopher of the Lari soil.
Gichuka Waithera – An idealistic MP aspirant who believes voters want development.
Njenga – A seasoned, cunning MP aspirant who campaigns using the “stomach-first” doctrine.
Mama Njeri – A veteran Lari voter, expert in evaluating leaders by their generosity.
Kamau the Youth Mobilizer – Grandmaster of goons, crowds, and instant cheering squads.
Teacher Nyambura – Rational, principled, and perpetually disappointed.
Chorus of Lari Voters – Hungry, vocal, and consistent in their political appetite.
ACT I – The Return of the Hunters of the Big Seat
Scene 1: Election Fever Before Its Time
(Lights up on a foggy Lari morning. Posters everywhere: “Gichuka Waithera for MP”, “Njenga for MP”, “Kazi Iendelee”, “Time for Change”.)
Villager: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Lari Constituency— the land where dreams of becoming MP fall like rain, and disappear like morning mist. It is not yet election year, but look— aspirants are already roaming like hyenas around a slaughterhouse.
Mama Njeri: Even my shoemaker says people have asked him to vie for MP. The man cannot fix a sandal properly, but he thinks he can fix a whole constituency.
Kamau: Why not? The MP seat is sweet. Big salary, big name, big convoy. Even men with no agenda have suddenly discovered they love serving the people.
Teacher Nyambura: (Exasperated) But do they understand what voters in Lari actually want?
Villager: (Laughs) That, dear teacher, is the tragedy— most aspirants do NOT know. They come with policies, but voters come with plates.
(Lights dim.)
ACT II – The Idealist Who Climbed Maslow’s Pyramid Alone
Scene 1: Gichuka Waithera’s Speech
(Lights up. Gichuka Waithera stands on a rock, manifesto in hand, speaking with passion.)
Gichuka Waithera: My people! When I become MP, I will bring modern hospitals, better roads, a clean sewer system, secure streets, technology hubs, and cultural centers!
(Villagers stare blankly.)
Mama Njeri: (Squinting) Eh… sewer system? What is that for? Is it something we can eat?
Kamau: (Checking Gichuka Waithera’s car) No unga in the boot. No sugar. No food. This one is speaking English to empty stomachs.
Villager: (To audience) Gichuka Waithera made the biggest mistake in Lari politics— he assumed voters were sitting on top of Maslow’s Hierarchy. My friend…Lari voters are holding onto the first step like it’s a cliff edge. He talked of “self-actualization”…they wanted food-actualization.
(Lights fade.)
ACT III – The Master of the Stomach Doctrine
Scene 1: Njenga’s Strategy
(Lights up. Njenga arrives with a convoy carrying unga, cabbages, maize, sugar, and crates of eggs.)
Villager: Enter Njenga— the man who did not waste time climbing Maslow’s pyramid. He built his campaign at the BASE of it.
Njenga: (Clapping hands) My people! Before we talk development… let us fill your homes. Take unga! Take sugar! Take maize! Take cabbages!Take eggs!
Mama Njeri: (Delighted) Look at this! A leader who speaks our language—the language of the stomach.
Kamau: Boss, the youth group is ready! Just give them mandazi and fare— they’ll escort your convoy like bodyguards.
Njenga: (Laughing) Good. In Lari, votes follow the direction of food parcels.
Villager: And just like that, Njenga became the most “visionary” MP aspirant— not because he had ideas…but because he had food.
(Lights dim.)
ACT IV – The Double Rally
Scene 1: Gichuka Waithera vs Njenga
(Split stage: Gichuka Waithera on one side talking passionately, Njenga on the other distributing food.)
Gichuka Waithera: We must secure our villages! We must build clean communities!
(Villagers yawn.)
Chorus of Voters: Shout from the crowd; “Tupatie unga kwanza!” (“Give us unga first!”)
(Gichuka Waithera freezes.) Across the stage—
Njenga: (Throwing sugar like a rugby coach) Catch! One kilo of sugar equals one vote! Take unga too! Sukuma wiki for everyone!
Crowd: (Explodes) Our MP! Our savior! Our provider!
Villager: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how development speeches were defeated
by a unga.
ACT V – The Election Results
Scene 1: The Verdict
(Drumbeats. Tension. Gichuka Waithera stands shaking. Njenga smiles confidently.)
Chorus of Lari Voters: (Shouting the results) The new Member of Parliament for Lari is… Njenga!! (Gichuka Waithera collapses emotionally.)
Gichuka Waithera: (Heartbroken) But… I had a vision. I had a manifesto!
Mama Njeri: (Shrugs) Manifestos don’t cook. Unga and Cabbages do.
Kamau: (With pity) Next time, start with unga. Then climb to policy.
(Lights shift. Njenga celebrates with voters fighting over leftover food.)
ACT VI – The Final Lesson for All Future Lari MP Aspirants
Scene 1: Villager’s Final Monologue
Villager: (Spotlight, somber) Now listen to the truth about Lari politics— whether you accept it or not:
One: Lari voters live on the LOWER band of Maslow’s hierarchy. Food and water come before vision and development.
Two: Aspirants who campaign with ideas lose. Aspirants who campaign with food win.
Three: You cannot tell hungry people about sewer systems. They want unga, not underground pipes.
Four: You cannot preach security, hospitals, or clean communities to people who cannot secure their next meal.
Five: And finally— in Lari Constituency, the MP seat belongs to the one who respects the stomach first, and democracy second.
(Lights fade slowly.)
Villager: (Final line, whispering) If you want the Lari MP seat… don’t start with promises— start with unga.
(Curtain.)
Characters
Villager – Narrator, analyst of human behavior, political philosopher of the Lari soil.
Gichuka Waithera – An idealistic MP aspirant who believes voters want development.
Njenga – A seasoned, cunning MP aspirant who campaigns using the “stomach-first” doctrine.
Mama Njeri – A veteran Lari voter, expert in evaluating leaders by their generosity.
Kamau the Youth Mobilizer – Grandmaster of goons, crowds, and instant cheering squads.
Teacher Nyambura – Rational, principled, and perpetually disappointed.
Chorus of Lari Voters – Hungry, vocal, and consistent in their political appetite.
ACT I – The Return of the Hunters of the Big Seat
Scene 1: Election Fever Before Its Time
(Lights up on a foggy Lari morning. Posters everywhere: “Gichuka Waithera for MP”, “Njenga for MP”, “Kazi Iendelee”, “Time for Change”.)
Villager: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Lari Constituency— the land where dreams of becoming MP fall like rain, and disappear like morning mist. It is not yet election year, but look— aspirants are already roaming like hyenas around a slaughterhouse.
Mama Njeri: Even my shoemaker says people have asked him to vie for MP. The man cannot fix a sandal properly, but he thinks he can fix a whole constituency.
Kamau: Why not? The MP seat is sweet. Big salary, big name, big convoy. Even men with no agenda have suddenly discovered they love serving the people.
Teacher Nyambura: (Exasperated) But do they understand what voters in Lari actually want?
Villager: (Laughs) That, dear teacher, is the tragedy— most aspirants do NOT know. They come with policies, but voters come with plates.
(Lights dim.)
ACT II – The Idealist Who Climbed Maslow’s Pyramid Alone
Scene 1: Gichuka Waithera’s Speech
(Lights up. Gichuka Waithera stands on a rock, manifesto in hand, speaking with passion.)
Gichuka Waithera: My people! When I become MP, I will bring modern hospitals, better roads, a clean sewer system, secure streets, technology hubs, and cultural centers!
(Villagers stare blankly.)
Mama Njeri: (Squinting) Eh… sewer system? What is that for? Is it something we can eat?
Kamau: (Checking Gichuka Waithera’s car) No unga in the boot. No sugar. No food. This one is speaking English to empty stomachs.
Villager: (To audience) Gichuka Waithera made the biggest mistake in Lari politics— he assumed voters were sitting on top of Maslow’s Hierarchy. My friend…Lari voters are holding onto the first step like it’s a cliff edge. He talked of “self-actualization”…they wanted food-actualization.
(Lights fade.)
ACT III – The Master of the Stomach Doctrine
Scene 1: Njenga’s Strategy
(Lights up. Njenga arrives with a convoy carrying unga, cabbages, maize, sugar, and crates of eggs.)
Villager: Enter Njenga— the man who did not waste time climbing Maslow’s pyramid. He built his campaign at the BASE of it.
Njenga: (Clapping hands) My people! Before we talk development… let us fill your homes. Take unga! Take sugar! Take maize! Take cabbages!Take eggs!
Mama Njeri: (Delighted) Look at this! A leader who speaks our language—the language of the stomach.
Kamau: Boss, the youth group is ready! Just give them mandazi and fare— they’ll escort your convoy like bodyguards.
Njenga: (Laughing) Good. In Lari, votes follow the direction of food parcels.
Villager: And just like that, Njenga became the most “visionary” MP aspirant— not because he had ideas…but because he had food.
(Lights dim.)
ACT IV – The Double Rally
Scene 1: Gichuka Waithera vs Njenga
(Split stage: Gichuka Waithera on one side talking passionately, Njenga on the other distributing food.)
Gichuka Waithera: We must secure our villages! We must build clean communities!
(Villagers yawn.)
Chorus of Voters: Shout from the crowd; “Tupatie unga kwanza!” (“Give us unga first!”)
(Gichuka Waithera freezes.) Across the stage—
Njenga: (Throwing sugar like a rugby coach) Catch! One kilo of sugar equals one vote! Take unga too! Sukuma wiki for everyone!
Crowd: (Explodes) Our MP! Our savior! Our provider!
Villager: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how development speeches were defeated
by a unga.
ACT V – The Election Results
Scene 1: The Verdict
(Drumbeats. Tension. Gichuka Waithera stands shaking. Njenga smiles confidently.)
Chorus of Lari Voters: (Shouting the results) The new Member of Parliament for Lari is… Njenga!! (Gichuka Waithera collapses emotionally.)
Gichuka Waithera: (Heartbroken) But… I had a vision. I had a manifesto!
Mama Njeri: (Shrugs) Manifestos don’t cook. Unga and Cabbages do.
Kamau: (With pity) Next time, start with unga. Then climb to policy.
(Lights shift. Njenga celebrates with voters fighting over leftover food.)
ACT VI – The Final Lesson for All Future Lari MP Aspirants
Scene 1: Villager’s Final Monologue
Villager: (Spotlight, somber) Now listen to the truth about Lari politics— whether you accept it or not:
One: Lari voters live on the LOWER band of Maslow’s hierarchy. Food and water come before vision and development.
Two: Aspirants who campaign with ideas lose. Aspirants who campaign with food win.
Three: You cannot tell hungry people about sewer systems. They want unga, not underground pipes.
Four: You cannot preach security, hospitals, or clean communities to people who cannot secure their next meal.
Five: And finally— in Lari Constituency, the MP seat belongs to the one who respects the stomach first, and democracy second.
(Lights fade slowly.)
Villager: (Final line, whispering) If you want the Lari MP seat… don’t start with promises— start with unga.
(Curtain.)
