A Satirical Play About Mental Poverty, Manufactured Chaos, and the Politics of Bruised Skulls
Characters
Mzee Kíhoto wa Mahoya – Narrator; village philosopher; expert in identifying foolishness even in darkness.
Hon. Mungai wa Njûgûma – A master of goons; supplier of njûgûma; believes ideas are for the weak.
Gichuka Waithera – The sober aspirant; allergic to drama; campaigns with ideas nobody wants to hear.
Mama Njeri wa Maingí – Knows every villager’s weakness; chief observer of madness.
Wairimu wa Kaguongo – Village peace ambassador; always disappointed.
Njûgûma Youth Brigade – A dramatic group of mentally poor villagers who carry njûgûma the way bishops carry Bibles.
Chorus of Lari Villagers – Poor, gullible, dramatic, and politically bewitched.
ACT I – Before the Campaign: Lari, Land of Njûgûma
Scene 1: The Village Philosophy
(Lights rise. Villagers sit smoothening njûgûma like they are preparing for the Olympics.)
Mzee Kíhoto: People of Lari… welcome. This is the land where ideas fear to campaign,
and where njûgûma campaigns for free.
Mama Njeri: If you say the roads are poor— someone will knock your teeth and tell you to stop complaining.
Wairimu wa Kaguongo: If you mention corruption— someone will hit you with njûgûma even on Facebook.
Chorus: We defend politicians the way drunkards defend chang’aa: without thinking, and with a lot of shouting.
Mzee Kíhoto: Ah yes… The problem of Lari is not poverty of money. It is poverty of mind. Mental poverty so deep, even Wi-Fi cannot reach.
(Lights fade.)
ACT II – The Arrival of Mungai Wa Njûgûma
Scene 1: Distribution Day
(Lights up. Hon. Mungai wa Njûgûma enters dramatically with sacks of njûgûma.)
Hon. Mungai (singing like a fake angel): My people! I have brought you what you truly need! Not water… Not hospitals…Not roads… But— (He opens sack) NJÛGÛMA!
(Thunderous applause from Njûgûma Youth Brigade.)
Njûgûma Youth Brigade (chanting): Njûgûma! Njûgûma! Njûgûma!
Mzee Kíhoto (to audience): You see? Give a hungry villager food, he will not question motives. Then give him a njûgûma… He will knock skulls on your behalf.
Mama Njeri (whispering): Mungai knows these villagers very well. Give them tools for thinking… they return them unused. Give them tools for fighting… they start work immediately and even work overtime.
ACT III – In the Land of Sober Aspirants
Scene 1: Gichuka Waithera Tries Logic
(Lights up. Gichuka Waithera stands with a small paper of development ideas.)
Gichuka Waithera: My people, I have a plan— (Njûgûma Youth Brigade begins yawning aggressively.) —A plan for education— (They start shaking njûgûma threateningly.) —A plan for water— (One villager swings njûgûma at the wind to warm up.) —A plan for a better Lari—
Njûgûma Youth Brigade (booing): Where is the envelope? Where is the handout?
Mzee Kíhoto: Ideas cannot win in a place where brain cells are on permanent leave.
(Lights dim as Gichuka is swallowed by the chorus of foolishness.)
ACT IV – The Great Njûgûma War
Scene 1: Villagers vs. Villagers
(Lights rise. A chaotic scene: villagers hitting each other with njûgûma for absolutely no reason.)
Wairimu wa Kaguongo: Stop fighting! Why are you hitting each other?
Villager 1: He said Lari roads are poor!
Villager 2: He exposed corruption!
Villager 3: He asked where CDF money went!
Villager 4: He said Mungai has no degree!
(All hit each other again.)
Mzee Kíhoto: In Lari, you can be assaulted for using your brain. It is considered provocation. Mental terrorism, even.
Mama Njeri (shaking head): Mungai doesn’t want villagers to think. Thinking is dangerous. It might lead to voting wisely.
Chorus: We prefer to borrow Mungai’s brain. Ours are on holiday until further notice.
(Lights fade.)
ACT V – The Election Day of Confusion
Scene 1: The Queue of Bewitched Voters
(Lights up. Villagers queue with njûgûma over shoulders like graduation gowns.)
Hon. Mungai (addressing them like a general): Remember! If you see anyone speaking big English about development— hit them with wisdom. If you see sober voters— confuse them with village discipline. And if you see Gichuka— just shout “Western Project” until he disappears.
Njûgûma Youth Brigade: We obey! We obey! We obey without understanding!
Mzee Kíhoto: Never in history has obedience looked so foolish.
(Lights dim.)
ACT VI – The Final Insult
Scene 1: After Results
(Lari villagers celebrate Mungai’s victory by hitting each other joyfully.)
Hon. Mungai (now arrogant, wearing sunglasses and chewing ego): My poor villagers! Thank you for not thinking! You made this easy.
Mama Njeri: But sir— our roads!
Hon. Mungai: Your roads? Walk carefully. I won’t fix foolishness.
Wairimu: Sir— corruption?
Hon. Mungai: Corruption? Stop disturbing me with vocabulary you don’t understand.
Chorus (cheering like hypnotized chickens): Our leader! Our leader! He talks down to us nicely!
Mzee Kíhoto (spotlight): And that, ladies and gentlemen…is how Lari elects leaders. Not with minds. Not with ideas. Not with vision. But with njûgûma, mental poverty, and inherited foolishness. Until we liberate the mind, Lari will remain the headquarters of bruised skulls and broken logic.
(Lights fade to the sound of njûgûma knocking each other in rhythmic foolishness.)
Curtain.
Characters
Mzee Kíhoto wa Mahoya – Narrator; village philosopher; expert in identifying foolishness even in darkness.
Hon. Mungai wa Njûgûma – A master of goons; supplier of njûgûma; believes ideas are for the weak.
Gichuka Waithera – The sober aspirant; allergic to drama; campaigns with ideas nobody wants to hear.
Mama Njeri wa Maingí – Knows every villager’s weakness; chief observer of madness.
Wairimu wa Kaguongo – Village peace ambassador; always disappointed.
Njûgûma Youth Brigade – A dramatic group of mentally poor villagers who carry njûgûma the way bishops carry Bibles.
Chorus of Lari Villagers – Poor, gullible, dramatic, and politically bewitched.
ACT I – Before the Campaign: Lari, Land of Njûgûma
Scene 1: The Village Philosophy
(Lights rise. Villagers sit smoothening njûgûma like they are preparing for the Olympics.)
Mzee Kíhoto: People of Lari… welcome. This is the land where ideas fear to campaign,
and where njûgûma campaigns for free.
Mama Njeri: If you say the roads are poor— someone will knock your teeth and tell you to stop complaining.
Wairimu wa Kaguongo: If you mention corruption— someone will hit you with njûgûma even on Facebook.
Chorus: We defend politicians the way drunkards defend chang’aa: without thinking, and with a lot of shouting.
Mzee Kíhoto: Ah yes… The problem of Lari is not poverty of money. It is poverty of mind. Mental poverty so deep, even Wi-Fi cannot reach.
(Lights fade.)
ACT II – The Arrival of Mungai Wa Njûgûma
Scene 1: Distribution Day
(Lights up. Hon. Mungai wa Njûgûma enters dramatically with sacks of njûgûma.)
Hon. Mungai (singing like a fake angel): My people! I have brought you what you truly need! Not water… Not hospitals…Not roads… But— (He opens sack) NJÛGÛMA!
(Thunderous applause from Njûgûma Youth Brigade.)
Njûgûma Youth Brigade (chanting): Njûgûma! Njûgûma! Njûgûma!
Mzee Kíhoto (to audience): You see? Give a hungry villager food, he will not question motives. Then give him a njûgûma… He will knock skulls on your behalf.
Mama Njeri (whispering): Mungai knows these villagers very well. Give them tools for thinking… they return them unused. Give them tools for fighting… they start work immediately and even work overtime.
ACT III – In the Land of Sober Aspirants
Scene 1: Gichuka Waithera Tries Logic
(Lights up. Gichuka Waithera stands with a small paper of development ideas.)
Gichuka Waithera: My people, I have a plan— (Njûgûma Youth Brigade begins yawning aggressively.) —A plan for education— (They start shaking njûgûma threateningly.) —A plan for water— (One villager swings njûgûma at the wind to warm up.) —A plan for a better Lari—
Njûgûma Youth Brigade (booing): Where is the envelope? Where is the handout?
Mzee Kíhoto: Ideas cannot win in a place where brain cells are on permanent leave.
(Lights dim as Gichuka is swallowed by the chorus of foolishness.)
ACT IV – The Great Njûgûma War
Scene 1: Villagers vs. Villagers
(Lights rise. A chaotic scene: villagers hitting each other with njûgûma for absolutely no reason.)
Wairimu wa Kaguongo: Stop fighting! Why are you hitting each other?
Villager 1: He said Lari roads are poor!
Villager 2: He exposed corruption!
Villager 3: He asked where CDF money went!
Villager 4: He said Mungai has no degree!
(All hit each other again.)
Mzee Kíhoto: In Lari, you can be assaulted for using your brain. It is considered provocation. Mental terrorism, even.
Mama Njeri (shaking head): Mungai doesn’t want villagers to think. Thinking is dangerous. It might lead to voting wisely.
Chorus: We prefer to borrow Mungai’s brain. Ours are on holiday until further notice.
(Lights fade.)
ACT V – The Election Day of Confusion
Scene 1: The Queue of Bewitched Voters
(Lights up. Villagers queue with njûgûma over shoulders like graduation gowns.)
Hon. Mungai (addressing them like a general): Remember! If you see anyone speaking big English about development— hit them with wisdom. If you see sober voters— confuse them with village discipline. And if you see Gichuka— just shout “Western Project” until he disappears.
Njûgûma Youth Brigade: We obey! We obey! We obey without understanding!
Mzee Kíhoto: Never in history has obedience looked so foolish.
(Lights dim.)
ACT VI – The Final Insult
Scene 1: After Results
(Lari villagers celebrate Mungai’s victory by hitting each other joyfully.)
Hon. Mungai (now arrogant, wearing sunglasses and chewing ego): My poor villagers! Thank you for not thinking! You made this easy.
Mama Njeri: But sir— our roads!
Hon. Mungai: Your roads? Walk carefully. I won’t fix foolishness.
Wairimu: Sir— corruption?
Hon. Mungai: Corruption? Stop disturbing me with vocabulary you don’t understand.
Chorus (cheering like hypnotized chickens): Our leader! Our leader! He talks down to us nicely!
Mzee Kíhoto (spotlight): And that, ladies and gentlemen…is how Lari elects leaders. Not with minds. Not with ideas. Not with vision. But with njûgûma, mental poverty, and inherited foolishness. Until we liberate the mind, Lari will remain the headquarters of bruised skulls and broken logic.
(Lights fade to the sound of njûgûma knocking each other in rhythmic foolishness.)
Curtain.
