I want to talk about something very important—trauma. Without understanding trauma, it is impossible to truly support another human being. Trauma is not weakness. Trauma is not drama. Trauma is not attention-seeking. Trauma is what happens when a person goes through experiences that overwhelm their ability to cope, and those experiences leave both physical and psychological stress-reactions behind. Trauma is not only what happened—it is how the body and the mind responded to what happened.
Trauma is something you go through. You may go through loss, abuse, violence, disaster, neglect, betrayal, or deep disappointment. From that experience, you carry something with you. That “something” is trauma. Not everyone who goes through difficult events develops trauma. Two people can experience the same event, and one heals while the other carries scars for years. Trauma is personal. It depends on repetition, intensity, age, support systems, and how the mind processes the event.
Many people with mental disorders live with trauma. Trauma does not always cause mental illness, but it often worsens symptoms, triggers relapses, and intensifies emotional reactions. When trauma is ignored, mental health conditions become harder to manage.
Trauma is not limited to childhood, although childhood trauma is especially powerful. Trauma can happen when you are young, when you are old, or anywhere in between. You can be traumatized by abuse, by losing a child, by losing a job, by surviving a disaster, by war, by violence, or by repeated stress. Trauma is not something you can always control. You do not choose it. It happens to you.
Some people experience trauma once. Others experience it repeatedly. Repeated trauma is often more damaging because the mind never gets time to heal. Instead, the memory stays alive, replaying again and again.
Trauma does not only affect individuals. It can affect groups of people. It can affect entire communities. It can affect cultures. It can even affect generations. A person can experience trauma alone, such as being abused or assaulted. A group can experience trauma together, such as workers surviving a terrorist attack. A community can experience trauma through ethnic violence or mass displacement. A culture can experience trauma through long-term discrimination, persecution, or stigma. Generations can carry trauma through historical injustice, colonization, slavery, or war.
This is why you hear people talking about pain they did not personally experience. The trauma is passed down through stories, behaviors, fear, mistrust, and survival patterns. This is real. It is not imagination. Trauma can live in memory, in behavior, and even in identity.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is calling trauma responses “problematic behavior.” When a person shouts, freezes, avoids something, panics, withdraws, or reacts strongly, people often say, “This person is difficult.” But many times, that behavior is not a problem—it is a signal. Trauma speaks through behavior. A person who panics when a door is closed may have been abused in a locked space. A person who screams when touched from behind may have survived assault. A person who avoids certain places, sounds, or situations may be reliving past danger. They are not being stubborn. They are not being dramatic. Their body remembers what their mind wishes to forget.
When people do not understand trauma, they unknowingly retraumatize others. Retraumatization happens when you trigger the same fear, helplessness, or pain that the person experienced before. This happens when: you force situations without consent, you ignore known triggers, you dismiss their fear, you punish trauma responses and you demand explanations they are not ready to give. Each time retraumatization happens, trust is broken. Healing becomes harder. This is why I always say: know the person you are dealing with. If you do not know their trauma, you will keep hurting them without realizing it.
This is where trauma-informed care comes in. Trauma-informed care means you approach every person with the understanding that they may have experienced trauma. You do not ask, “What is wrong with you?” Instead, you ask, “What happened to you?” It means: you avoid retraumatization, you respect boundaries, you promote safety, you build trust slowly and you see behavior as communication. Trauma-informed care does not judge. It listens. It observes. It adapts.
People who have trauma often struggle with trust. Trust was broken in the past, sometimes violently. Before you can help, before you can support, before you can guide, trust must come first. Trust is built through consistency. Trust is built through respect. Trust is built through patience. Sometimes a person may only feel safe with two caregivers present. Sometimes they need time before being alone with someone. That is not rejection—it is protection. When a person trusts you, healing becomes possible.
Helping someone heal from trauma does not mean pushing them to “be strong.” It means helping them feel safe enough to rebuild strength on their own. Resilience grows when: the person feels heard, the person feels safe, the person feels respected and the person feels in control Your role is not to fix trauma. Your role is to create conditions where healing can happen.
Trauma is something you go through. You may go through loss, abuse, violence, disaster, neglect, betrayal, or deep disappointment. From that experience, you carry something with you. That “something” is trauma. Not everyone who goes through difficult events develops trauma. Two people can experience the same event, and one heals while the other carries scars for years. Trauma is personal. It depends on repetition, intensity, age, support systems, and how the mind processes the event.
Many people with mental disorders live with trauma. Trauma does not always cause mental illness, but it often worsens symptoms, triggers relapses, and intensifies emotional reactions. When trauma is ignored, mental health conditions become harder to manage.
Trauma is not limited to childhood, although childhood trauma is especially powerful. Trauma can happen when you are young, when you are old, or anywhere in between. You can be traumatized by abuse, by losing a child, by losing a job, by surviving a disaster, by war, by violence, or by repeated stress. Trauma is not something you can always control. You do not choose it. It happens to you.
Some people experience trauma once. Others experience it repeatedly. Repeated trauma is often more damaging because the mind never gets time to heal. Instead, the memory stays alive, replaying again and again.
Trauma does not only affect individuals. It can affect groups of people. It can affect entire communities. It can affect cultures. It can even affect generations. A person can experience trauma alone, such as being abused or assaulted. A group can experience trauma together, such as workers surviving a terrorist attack. A community can experience trauma through ethnic violence or mass displacement. A culture can experience trauma through long-term discrimination, persecution, or stigma. Generations can carry trauma through historical injustice, colonization, slavery, or war.
This is why you hear people talking about pain they did not personally experience. The trauma is passed down through stories, behaviors, fear, mistrust, and survival patterns. This is real. It is not imagination. Trauma can live in memory, in behavior, and even in identity.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is calling trauma responses “problematic behavior.” When a person shouts, freezes, avoids something, panics, withdraws, or reacts strongly, people often say, “This person is difficult.” But many times, that behavior is not a problem—it is a signal. Trauma speaks through behavior. A person who panics when a door is closed may have been abused in a locked space. A person who screams when touched from behind may have survived assault. A person who avoids certain places, sounds, or situations may be reliving past danger. They are not being stubborn. They are not being dramatic. Their body remembers what their mind wishes to forget.
When people do not understand trauma, they unknowingly retraumatize others. Retraumatization happens when you trigger the same fear, helplessness, or pain that the person experienced before. This happens when: you force situations without consent, you ignore known triggers, you dismiss their fear, you punish trauma responses and you demand explanations they are not ready to give. Each time retraumatization happens, trust is broken. Healing becomes harder. This is why I always say: know the person you are dealing with. If you do not know their trauma, you will keep hurting them without realizing it.
This is where trauma-informed care comes in. Trauma-informed care means you approach every person with the understanding that they may have experienced trauma. You do not ask, “What is wrong with you?” Instead, you ask, “What happened to you?” It means: you avoid retraumatization, you respect boundaries, you promote safety, you build trust slowly and you see behavior as communication. Trauma-informed care does not judge. It listens. It observes. It adapts.
People who have trauma often struggle with trust. Trust was broken in the past, sometimes violently. Before you can help, before you can support, before you can guide, trust must come first. Trust is built through consistency. Trust is built through respect. Trust is built through patience. Sometimes a person may only feel safe with two caregivers present. Sometimes they need time before being alone with someone. That is not rejection—it is protection. When a person trusts you, healing becomes possible.
Helping someone heal from trauma does not mean pushing them to “be strong.” It means helping them feel safe enough to rebuild strength on their own. Resilience grows when: the person feels heard, the person feels safe, the person feels respected and the person feels in control Your role is not to fix trauma. Your role is to create conditions where healing can happen.
Trauma is common. Trauma is real. Trauma shapes behavior, emotions, and reactions. When we fail to understand trauma, we punish pain instead of supporting healing. If you live with someone who has a mental disorder, remember this: many of the behaviors you see are not the illness—they are survival responses. Do not ask, “Why are you like this?” Ask, “What happened to you?” That question changes everything. And this is how true support begins.
